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Watch a video version at my Youtube Channel. For years I thought the answer was somewhere ahead of me. I spent the first part of my journey dominated by the past. Shame, guilt, regret, and a constant loop of things I wished I had done differently. My anxiety lived there. I was almost entirely in what had already happened, feeling like a victim to it, feeling powerless over myself. Then I started to heal. I learned to look at myself with less judgment. I started accepting who

Picture a piece of land. Not a yard. Not a lot. Land. The kind that existed long before anyone thought to do anything with it. Wild grass. Roots running deep. Soil that has been here longer than memory. No fences. No roads. No names for it yet. Just land.

What if the stillness you've been avoiding — the uncomfortable, uncertain, full-of-mystery stillness — is actually where you connect to something real? I've been sitting with that question a lot lately.

After I began questioning my faith, it felt like I was becoming one of those lost souls they used to warn me about. But what I thought was lostness was actually something else entirely. There is a difference between being lost and being between identities. Knowing that difference changes everything.